I'M NOT PERFECT BUT I'M PERFECT FOR YOU

Why do people get married? There must be a thousand reasons that one can give to justify their decision. Some of them can be quite shallow and some can be as deep as the the bluest ocean. Whatever the reason is, I think it is important for couples to review the decision that they have made when they said their vows to spend their life together. I have seen a few friends of mine who somehow have lost the sparkle of their married life. One of the most asked questions in newspapers, magazines and the mass media posed to celebrities and non-celebrities alike is 'what kind of wedding would you like to have?' Real shallow if you really think about it. Some of them would go into details that they have always wanted to have a garden wedding, beach wedding or any other types of weddings that fit the current style and trend. Then, they go on telling about the places that they plan to go to for their honeymoon. I am yet to see any magazines coming up with in-depth interviews regarding the type of marriage they would like to have. A lot of young people today are really into weddings (including me and the not so young ones too, of course) but not that many go beyond their honeymoon when it comes to planning their marriage. We can always plan and have a perfect wedding but we can never have a perfect marriage. Some of my friends who are aware of my single status ask me if I agree that being single can be unhealthy? Yes, I agree that loneliness can be harmful but it surely beats an unhappy marriage. My Kak Whitney Houston is definitely right when she says she would 'rather be alone than unhappy' in her song "It's Not Right But It's Okay'. Marriage is all about accepting your partner for who or what he or she is. Some people can only see the flaws in their partners after being married for a while. I guess when we are in love, we are easily blinded by the notion of love itself. Love can be beautiful but it is not always beautiful. It can be painful and frustrating too. It can heal but when it hurts, it hurts deep. We can never be perfect but we can always be the perfect partner for someone. And during the mean time, I'm going to keep on looking...

I FELL .............. IN JITRA

I was in Jitra from the 12th until the 14th for a competition and no, my team did not win. We only managed to go to the quarterfinal and that was that (I'll tell more about it if I feel like it). Neither did I fall in love in Jitra. To tell you the truth, I only fell down. I was on my way to have lunch on my own since all the other guys had gone back. It had been raining a little bit and I wanted to cross a small drain. I stepped onto a a piece of asbestos that was lying there and that f....... piece of asbestos skidded underneath me. I stumbled forward and went flying without wings. It was embarrassing and funny at the same time. Imagine the always graceful and elegant me with my face on the ground and my big fat ass facing the sky. Definitely not a pretty sight. Luckily, there was only one other person around at that time. He came to help me and asked whether I was hurt. I collected my composure and acted as if nothing had happened. The fact was it hurt like hell...

MY TWIN BLOGS

I've decided to have two more blogs solely for my favourite songs and videos. I hope nobody will ask me to remove them. Look at my links if you want to see what's available there. Just click on the play button if you want to hear the songs or watch the videos. None of the songs or videos is available for downloading at the moment unless you use certain software or programmes which can do that. The layout for all my blogs is similar since I consider all of them as twin blogs. I might make some changes here and there from time to time but for the moment, this is what I can offer. Have fun and enjoy them!

THE POWER OF SMELL

Humans use their sense of sight better than other senses and I guess that is why people say that a picture can say a thousand words. But we have often overlooked another sense which has been capitalised by large corporations to generate vast income for them : the sense of smell. The perfume industry is indeed a big industry and so are industries dabbling in the production of talcum powder, bath products and air freshener. Even the food industries are big on smell. We can choose not to see something by closing our eyes but it's quite difficult not to smell unless you are willing to walk around with an oxygen tank and a mask glued to your face (you'll be considered weirder than Michael Jackson if you do that). I have often wondered why certain smells evoke and stir certain memories and feelings. I believe there must be some scientific explanation for that but putting that aside, who can resist a smell that seeps into the brain and lingers there forever? Its power lies in its ability to knock on our emotions and immerse itself in our deeper psyche. The smell wafting from a barbecue pit is enough to conjure images of juicy chicken, succulent steaks and spicy sate. The aroma of strong black coffee from the kitchen will usually wake all of our other senses. And the smell that emanates from freshly-bathed babies is just heavenly. I have often walked dreamily in public only to be rudely awaken by a certain smell, a smell that I can recall but cannot place. My whole day would be a total ruin if I can't find the source of the smell or remember where or when I have encountered the smell before. I won't be satisfied until I can place that smell and would spend the whole day trying to recall people, places or events associated with that smell. Then, there are certain fragrances which make you feel good and positive. I'm not big on fragrances but there are certain perfumes which swathe and envelop me in their positive aura. Still, this can differ from person to person. What works for you might not work for me. Most light men's fragrances do not work with me (I don't know why so don't ask me). I love strong spicy smell with a touch of ylang-ylang, sandalwood or patchouli (notice the Indian influences here?). Nothing too citrusy for me if possible. I love Aromatics Elixir by Clinique, Knowing by Estée Lauder, Rocco Barocco Silver Jeans and Lolita Lempicka but now, I have to be satisfied with the more affordable Body Shop line or other discount fragrances in order to cut cost (it doesn't matter much to me anymore as long as I smell quite okay). Certain fragrances on certain people can make you unable to think straight (I'm not talking about the infamous 'minyak senyonyong' here, okay?). One sniff and you are totally hypnotised. I guess that is why a lot of women refuse to tell others the perfume that they wear. They are afraid their secret will be known and they no longer have the power, the mystery and the aura that surround them. Right now, I smell something coming from the kitchen and my brain (which I no longer have no control of) is telling me to go there.

Favourite smells of a few people I know :

Z : Her hubby after a shower (you can imagine what happens next)
A : Babies (so motherlykan?)
L : Food, glorious food! (no comment)
F : Shampoo (he's a hairstylist so what do you expect?)
M : Nail polish (can be replaced by kerosene or other chemical spirits I think)
AA : Newspaper (or any photocopied materials)
T : Glue (no comment either)
K : Roses (so girly girly)
R : The interior of her new car (she wants to live in it if possible)
ZZ : Soil (he's not the 'greeny' type so I wonder why)

NOWHERE FAST

The title for this entry is taken from the movie 'Streets Of Fire' starring Diane Lane, Michael Paré and Willem Dafoe. The movie is terrible (really terrible so don't watch it) but I love the songs in it. I watched this movie in Penang in 1984 with 'mon amour' back then. As I mentioned in an entry a few days back, I would watch anything as long as 'love' is the main ingredient of the movie. What the lyrics say is not exactly what I'm feeling at the moment but I was attracted by the title of the song itself. I wonder if all this time I've been going too fast but heading nowhere or is it possible that I'm just cruising the safe path at a very safe speed? I guess I have a plan or two regarding the direction of my life but which one of the two above exactly describes my course of action? Most of the time, I think I'm moving in the right direction and at the right pace but I have my doubts too from time to time. What if the direction I'm taking takes me where I never want to be? Or what if I've been wrong regarding my direction and speed all along? I guess I will never know until I get there...

Lying in your bed on a Saturday night
You're sweatin' buckets and it's not even hot
But your brain has got the message
And it's sending it out
To every nerve and every muscle you've got

You've got so many dreams
That you don't know where to put 'em
So you'd better turn a few of 'em loose
Your body's got a feeling that it's starting to rust
You'd better rev it up and put it to use

And I don't know how I ever thought that I could make it all alone
When you only make it better
And it better be tonight
And we'll fly away on those angel wings of chrome in your daddy's car
Waiting there for you tonight
I'll be there for you tonight

Even if you don't have anywhere to go
You go down on the pedal and you're ready to roll
And even if you don't have anywhere to go
You go down on the pedal and you're ready to roll
And your speed
Is all you'll ever need
All you'll ever need to know
Darlin', Darlin'-

You and me we're goin' nowhere slowly
And we've gotta get away from the past
There's nothin' wrong with goin' nowhere, baby
But we should be goin' nowhere fast

Everybody's goin' nowhere slowly
They're only fighting for the chance to be last
There's nothin' wrong with goin' nowhere, baby
But we should be goin' nowhere fast
It's so much better goin' nowhere fast

Ah...

Stalkin' in the shadows by the light of the moon
It's like a prison and the night is a cell
Goin' anywhere has gotta be heaven tonight
'Cause stayin' here has gotta be hell
Dyin' in the city like a fire on the water
Let's go runnin' on the back of the wind
There's gotta be some action on the face of the earth
And I've gotta see your face once again

And I don't know where I ever got the bright idea that I was cool
So alone and independent
But I'm depending on you now
And you'll always be the only thing that I just can't be without
And I'm out for you tonight
I'm comin' out for you tonight

Even if you don't have anywhere to go
You go down on the pedal and you're ready to roll (ready to roll)
Even if you don't have anywhere to go
You go down on the pedal and you're ready to roll
And your speed
Is all you'll ever need
All you'll ever need to know
Darlin', Darlin'-

You and me we're goin' nowhere slowly
And we've gotta get away from the past
There's nothin' wrong with goin' nowhere, baby
But we should be goin' nowhere fast

Everybody's goin' nowhere slowly
They're only fighting for the chance to be last
There's nothin' wrong with goin' nowhere, baby
But we should be goin' nowhere fast
It's so much better goin' nowhere fast

Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Speed us away!

Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Speed us away!

Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Speed us away!

(We're goin' nowhere fast!)

IT'S BEEN FOUR YEARS

It's been exactly four years and I still miss him every single day. I wish I had spent more time with him and I wish I had been a better son. My dad was a typical traditional Malay father. Definitely not the modern type whom you can joke or go for a drink with. To those who did not know him, he might seem aloof and strict and to a certain extent, he was. I am the fourth of six children and I was born eight years after my elder brother. My father raised his first three children differently than he did his last three. From the stories that I've heard, he was real strict with my two elder sisters and elder brother. My younger brothers and I, on the other hand, were spared the rod (how lucky I was since I was and still am tender-skinned). I couldn't stand physical pain either (emotional pain, on the other hand, gives me pleasure) so I never knew what it was like to be given a beating. I spent most of my teenage years away from home and once you break free from your nest, it can be quite difficult to go back and be part of it anymore. I was very close to my father before I left home but we simply drifted apart after that. I couldn't talk to him the way I used to and I started hiding things from him. It was totally not 'cool' to be a daddy's boy in front of your friends. I did what I believed was best for me and to my amazement, he never objected to my decisions. He always said that he had his trust in me and even if I had gone the wrong direction, he knew I would come to my senses one day. I was a rebel during my teenage and college years and he never showed that he was losing his patience with me. Although I was not really his blue-eyed boy (my elder brother was, just like any other first-born son), I believed I was special to him. He never said how proud he was of me but I know he was. I have often wondered what it would have been like if we had never grown apart. I'm sure the bond between us would have been stronger and I would never have to hold back what I wanted to say to him. I cannot turn back time so I have to live with the fact that I have missed my opportunity to thank him for making me what I am today or to say how much I loved him. Thank you, Abah. I really miss you and you will always be in my prayers. Al Fatihah.

(MY) LOVE STORIES

I am not sure whether I can be considered a romantic at heart but I am definitely a sucker for love stories. I can watch the same romance movies over and over again and never get bored. This fascination with romance movies must have stemmed from my own inability to have my own version of romantic experiences worthy of a story (so sedihkan?). The first romance movie ever I watched on the big screen was 'Hapuslah Airmatamu' which was produced in 1976. It was shown in an old local cinema in my hometown long after it was screened nationally (that tells you how small the town where I was staying was and how behind the time too). I was still in primary school back then and the local cinema usually issued free tickets to students (as a way of promoting the cinema I believe). There is always a catch when it comes to free stuff. We had to fight our way to the ticket counter in order to redeem our tickets and of course, you could only get tickets for the third class seats. The cinemas back then were definitely different than the ones we have today. The seats were hard, there was no air-conditioning and sitting at the front seats could cause you to have muscle-strain on your neck for a week! But it was still fun. After all, there was not much entertainment that we could indulge in back then. During my secondary school years, this hobby of mine continued. Weekends were spent at the cinemas and I have to admit that some of the movies are terrible. The dialogues are so fake and made-up, the acting definitely unnatural and the cinematography really amateurish (do I pass as a movie critic here?). Sometimes, I am ashamed to admit that I have watched them but there are times when I brag to my friends that I have watched movies nobody wanted to watch. Still, love stories are love stories and I would watch whatever that was shown and available. Now, I think (note the phrase 'I think') I have better taste but I'll watch anything that has the word 'amour' written all over it. Of course, some of these movies are quite explicit in nature and are not suitable for children below a certain age but love is still love. It can manifest itself in so many different ways and forms. It is indeed wonderful to love and to be loved but not all love stories end with the clichéd 'and they lived happily ever after'. Sometimes, fate determines that two people who are very much in love are just not meant to be together. Sad but true. Love is wonderful and it can be cruel. It can heal and at the same time, it can hurt. In high school, I watched 'Love Story' starring Ryan O'Neal and Ali McGraw and began to understand how fate can be cruel to those who are in love. Since then, I have tried to avoid romance movies which do not have happy endings. My efforts to avoid sad and tragic love stories were not always successful (I cried like a baby watching 'Titanic' and 'Bangkok Love Story') so I often came up with my own script to replace the actual ending. Consequently, this caused my brain to store only images that I wanted to remember. It has also caused many arguments between me and my friends who are always willing to bet that I have the ending all wrong. Well, they can win all the money that they want but at least, I can decide on the ending that I want...

Here are the trailers of three of my all-time favourite romance movies.