Monday, September 6, 2010


A few more days and the fasting month will be over. Muslims all over the world will be celebrating Eid and Syawal will soon take the place of Ramadhan. I haven't done much preparation for the celebration except making some cookies yesterday (which turned out okay) and cleaning the house (which was very therapeutic for me). Really pathetic I know but I can't do more than that. I'm not in the mood for a lot of things lately and I feel emotionally drained. I've been going through Ramadhan this year like a zombie and it's not a very pleasant sensation. To my frustration, I can't even pinpoint the exact reason(s) for the turmoil I'm experiencing inside. I'm sure it's not midlife crisis (I went through that a few years back) and it's definitely not andropause (not going to have that in the next few years at least). I want to blame it on the weather but I'm too smart to pick on anything that can't defend itself. Neither can I put it on the people around me since nobody has done me any wrong (nothing that is that serious anyway). So what is the problem here? I guess I only have myself to blame. A lot of bad and sad things are happening around me and I guess I can't take them anymore. A few people I know passed away unexpectedly this Ramadhan. A good friend is having serious marital problems after twenty years of marriage. Another good friend is breaking up with his lover. The devastating flood in Pakistan. Some people taking my kindness for weakness. The negativity and depressing news in the media. The list goes on and on. My emotions are too fragile at the moment and I can't handle all these things simultaneously. I'm sure this feeling is temporary and I'm also sure that I will soon recover from this minor emotional disorder (I don't have any other choice, do I?). It's just that I hate feeling so helpless and weak. In retrospective, I believe all these things are blessings in disguise. On second thought, it has been a great Ramadhan and I am thankful that I am still breathing to bask in all its wonder. I'm sure that Syawal is going to bring new lights, new insights and new directions into my life.